escapit

Like many people, growing up for me was not the American Dream it is supposed to be. 

And, also like many people, I have had to fight my siblings, in my case two sisters, for memories.  They are younger than me and remember almost nothing about our Dad. 

This holiday weekend started with 60-mile-an-hour winds in a vicious storm. It is January 1st in Sacramento and last night we had 4 inches of pelting rain. This was a weekend of stay-at-home reading and watching fireworks on the TV, many fireworks shows were canceled due to the weather. For the first time, I read a whole book in a day, James Patterson. My dog Homer had a really lovely haircut,  he feels like velvet. 

I should date what I write. It is so out of proportion when I don’t.

Depression, angst, and nerves seem to stick with me this season.  I cannot rest, my nerves only want to eat, and things seem really bleak when they are not.

Maybe I just don’t know the hard times from the good times, anyway today I feel sick, and yesterday too. Allergies, stomach aches. At least not Covid, we had our shots.

I wish age had treated me better, guess I didn’t do the right things to preserve myself. Very sad about money.

“I hope all of the 4 people I actually like in the world are having a great day”. 

I have made friends with my youngest sister Julie, now that we are old. She validates me in wonderful ways. I have learned that I can’t go back into my memories as much as I used to. But we are sisters and I see a small light at the end of the tunnel. I like sending her little notes, but mostly we text.

For almost 20 years I got to live in some of the most spectacular places in the world. I lived in Darwin, CA, out towards Death Valley, where I learned that silence is really a sound. Also, west of Darwin, closer to Mt. Whitney, I lived on the side of Lone Pine Mountain, in the Alabama Hills, and in Keough’s Hot Springs. What a wonderful experience. 

Pain is a pesky part of being human, I’ve learned it feels like a stab wound to the heart, something I wish we could all do without in our lives. Pain is a sudden hurt that can’t be escaped. But then I have also learned that because of pain, I can feel the beauty, tenderness, and freedom of healing.. But then healing feels like the wind against your face when you are spreading your wings and flying through the air! 

We may not have wings growing out of our backs, but healing is the closest thing that will give us that wind against our faces.